I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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