I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
