After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
