Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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