I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
