i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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