TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
