so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
