like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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