I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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