weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
