As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
