So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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