he wants to bone in the snuggie
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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