So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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