Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
