I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
