I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We got so high we made milksteak
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
