I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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