then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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