they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
