Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
