I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
this boner is exhausting
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Dick very happy bro
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
