Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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