He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
