i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
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