is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
she looked like the before picture.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
