I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
