Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
