Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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