honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
