Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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