I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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