I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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