What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
