Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
