she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
