just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
