We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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