I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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