Will you blow on my dice?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
