So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
