The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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