can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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