the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
