Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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