I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
