he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
