I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
