Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
