I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
